Tropical Storm Irene does Walk of Shame
A subdued and embarrassed-looking Tropical Storm Irene was spotted leaving New York City this morning. The storm was missing her high heels and still wearing last night’s clothes, and looking considerably worse for the wear. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, when questioned by our reporter. “Could you turn the lights down? I’m never going to rain so much again.”
Witnesses in North Carolina, Maryland, and New Jersey said that the self-proclaimed “Hurricane” left a trail of destruction and rain as she bar-hopped across the Eastern Seaboard. The Tropical Storm was reportedly “wasted” and “raining everywhere”, having pre-gamed in the Caribbean before setting off on “one last summer fling”. Conflicting reports place this Caribbean woman at several different spots simultaneously on the night of the 27th, possibly due to her addiction to and embodiment of multi-platinum recording artist Ke$ha.
A call to Irene’s parents was not returned. They were, however, seen posting comments on their daughter’s party photos on Facebook, saying, “We’re so ashamed,” and “This is not how we raised you.”
Irene was last seen hurrying towards New England, muttering about “bad decisions” and wondering where she’d lost her outer winds.